That career thing
I have recently found myself on quite the career roller coaster. Going from a position where I learned a bit but was not really enjoying what I did to being laid off, getting two offers and having to choose, choosing one and having that not work out, thus ending up searching again, I have re-learned a very valuable lesson.
People don’t like change, and no matter what a company says, they don’t like change agents.
I am a change agent. I am a person who can come in and see things, and see how to fix them, and know how to do it. I am not a specialist who has been practicing one thing for many years, but a person with a background that is broad enough to know a number of different things, who can do a number of different things. I bring an energy and intensity.
Also not so great. People like to put you in a box. I do not fit in a box.
As people who have read my blog know, I am a person who tries to live my life in an authentic manner. I am very direct, ask questions, communicate, am honest, and don’t like to play games. This is not really a recipe for success in the professional world, I have found, but it is difficult to change who I fundamentally am. So here I am, at my age, in a very different place than I thought I would be by now. And not terribly happy about it.
I am reassured at how wonderful I am, how things will turn around. The other day I thought of a quote from my favorite movie, The Shawshank Redemption. Andy is pondering what happened to him, and says “Bad luck I guess. It floats around. It’s got to land on somebody. It was my turn, that’s all. I was in the path of the tornado. I just didn’t expect the storm would last as long as it has.”
Now, I have not been wrongly convicted of murder, and don’t want to sound as if I have faced some of the hardships that others have. I have struggled, put myself through school and grad school, and faced some professional (and personal) challenges. At times I have gotten in my own way. I worked very hard on my emotional intelligence (which, in other hard lessons, I learned is far more important than “regular” intelligence). In other words, being an “egghead”, as my mom calls me, isn’t enough.
But I wonder what is. If a person tries to be a good and kind person, who helps others but is well aware of her faults, but also brings a great deal to an organization, that person should excel, yes?
It seems I should have liked to play the game to make it. To NOT try to help others, or help an organization. To keep my mouth shut and just do my job. The problem is, I get bored when I do that.
It shouldn’t be so hard to find a position in a company that appreciates someone like me, right? So I’m told.
It is hard to remain optimistic when I am so tired, and have no idea what is next. I am very good at beating myself up for past mistakes and past decisions that did not work out. But right now, it is just hard to see through to the end of the storm.